you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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