im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
