i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
