He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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