i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
