So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
