Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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