In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
