I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
