At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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