He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
