my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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