maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
