Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
