im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
