god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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