I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
