he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
