I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
