You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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