I wish my penis had an off switch
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
