Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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