And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
