no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
