She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
