I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
