I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
