Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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