Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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