i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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