I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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