I'm so fucking centered right now
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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