it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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