barbara walters just said penis...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
