my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
