youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
