I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
