Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
