he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
