The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
