Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
as a side note pls kill me
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