my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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