you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
