that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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