she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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