God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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