he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
