I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
