woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
