I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How naked do you want me to be?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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