dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
