It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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