Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
