Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
