Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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