dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it's like heaven, but drunker
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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