He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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