I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
