i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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