just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
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Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
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I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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