Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
