I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
