Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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