Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
