just tell him i said nine months
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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