the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
