I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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