I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Please, let me fuck your mom
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
