i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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