i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
