birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
