thus making me awesome and them whores
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
