If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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