if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
