I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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