Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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